I accidentally burped into my bong.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
