high people should be assigned attendants
she smelled like a LAN party
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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