tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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