you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
