It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
