nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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