I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
