if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
