Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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