I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize