Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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