This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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