the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
