I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
