Screwed.edu
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize