Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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