dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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