Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
