His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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