he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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