1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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