I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
