Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
