The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
please come you make the beer taste better
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
