she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
