is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
