i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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