Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
