they said they heard you say put it in my butt
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
