So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
