i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i've created a new STD.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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