I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
