You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize