If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
