I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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