She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
