What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
