Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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