I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize