you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
