I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
