You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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