I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
