ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize