I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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