her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am one with the molecules
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
