I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
