this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
