somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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