I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
