I want to have your abortion
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
