dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
