I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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