Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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