I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
