I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
