she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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