You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
