He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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