im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize