Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
