Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
