think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
