Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
