I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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