if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
