right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Text me some of your sweat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
