it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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