apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
