We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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