Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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