Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm at about main and main street
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
