but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
