There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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