??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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